


The Xander Chronicles

by ocean_of_notions, radio_silent



Series: The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth! [4]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angel is Still Writing That Soap Opera, Crack, Diary/Journal, Humor, Multi, Season/Series 03, Trying To Be Cool, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-22
Updated: 2008-04-22
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocean_of_notions/pseuds/ocean_of_notions, https://archiveofourown.org/users/radio_silent/pseuds/radio_silent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Apocalypse tonight and I'm not invited!  At least dead guys think I'm cool."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Xander Chronicles

Day One  
Miss Buffy. Missed another vamp last night. There's a whole ugly missing theme going on.

Day Two  
Code names = awesome; Cordelia turned on by nighthawk! In other news, zombies missed Buffy too.

Day Three  
Buffy should go easier on Faith. The more sexy slayer action Sunnydale sees, the better, I always say. And Faith sure is... GOOD AT FIGHTING THOSE VAMPIRES.

Sorry about that. Cordelia trying to sneak a peek at the Xander chronicles.  Cordy's got a mean jealous streak when it comes to naked wrestling.  And alligators.

Day Four  
Fell asleep last night on Oz watch, but shouldn't be a big deal. Had the strangest dream though — Angel was back from Hell and feral. And pantsless. V. awkward.

Day Five  
Called Cousin Rigby to arrange tux pick-up. Sure they shun us and all, but this whole I'm-leaving-the-suit-in-a-plastic-bag-under-a-bush-on-Main-Street seems a little ridiculous. Could at least drop it on Revello.

Day Six  
Mmm, chocolate...Buffy's mom is kinda hot.

Day Seven  
Saw Buffy making out with Angel. Makes no sense. Well, if my dream was prophetic and Angel had returned from Hell feral and pantsless, right around the time I was not watching Oz not attack people it would make sense. But Angel had pants on when he was making out with Buffy. Right?

He better have had pants on...

Day Eight  
Willow and I made out in warehouse.  Score!  Cordy not too happy.  Just jealous we never made out in warehouse.

Day Nine  
Cordy taking jealousy bit too far. Saw her making out with another guy. Think we can get back together again? ...Would try love spell, but Amy said no.

Day Ten  
White Christmas in California...and it wasn't a sign of the apocalypse!

In other news, Buffy convinced Dead Boy not to kill himself.  Pity.

Day Eleven  
Crawled through ventilation shaft and almost saved damsels in distress. Think I'm getting closer to actually being cool.

Day Twelve  
Sticky peanut butter jars are my kryptonite.  My RED kryptonite.

Day Thirteen  
Apocalypse tonight and I'm not invited! At least dead guys think I'm cool.

Later...

Had sex! With Faith! Realize what this means? Can finally cross 'get laid' off list of things to do before I die.  Next: Drive to all 50 states, motorboat to Costa Rica.

Day Fourteen  
Either deep post-sex connection shared with Faith seems to be more imaginary than I thought, or she wanted to introduce some new "fun" to our relationship.  Buffy said Faith was kinky, but I didn't get it. Um, until now.

Day Fifteen  
Speaking of kinky, dominatrix Willow!  Oz getting luckier than I thought.  Wish we had gone farther in warehouse.

Day Sixteen  
Angel evil.  I TOLD YOU SO.  

Day Seventeen  
What the hell is a mulligan?  HEY, I just went 30 seconds without thinking about sex or--Damn! Linoleum!

Day Eighteen  
Who needs college anyway? Have decided to take up life on the road, as car attracted sexy blonde before.

Car also attracted dead guys, but hoping Kerouac might ward away unpoetic souls.

Day Nineteen  
Agreed to go to prom with demon Anya.  Hot bod aside, perhaps should have stuck with Sock Puppet of Love.  SPoL may be jealous type, but lacks successful history of maiming/disfiguring hundreds and hundreds of men...

Day Twenty  
Buffy has plan to defeat mayor.  Something about Angel and a script, but stopped listening after she said I was key guy.  Take that, Dead Boy!

Day Twenty-One  
Being key-guy sheds whole new light on apocalypse situation.

Oh god, we're gonna die.

At least I got laid first.  



End file.
